The Diary of a Nobody
Charles Pooter

December 29.—I had a most vivid dream last night.  I woke up, and on falling asleep, dreamed the same dream over again precisely.  I dreamt I heard Frank Mutlar telling his sister that he had not only sent me the insulting Christmas card, but admitted that he was the one who punched my head last night in the dark.  As fate would have it, Lupin, at breakfast, was reading extracts from a letter he had just received from Frank.

I asked him to pass the envelope, that I might compare the writing.  He did so, and I examined it by the side of the envelope containing the Christmas card.  I detected a similarity in the writing, in spite of the attempted disguise.  I passed them on to Carrie, who began to laugh.  I asked her what she was laughing at, and she said the card was never directed to me at all.  It was “L. Pooter,” not “C. Pooter.”  Lupin asked to look at the direction and the card, and exclaimed, with a laugh: “Oh yes, Guv., it’s meant for me.”

I said: “Are you in the habit of receiving insulting Christmas cards?”  He replied: “Oh yes, and of sending them, too.”

In the evening Gowing called, and said he enjoyed himself very much last night.  I took the opportunity to confide in him, as an old friend, about the vicious punch last night.  He burst out laughing, and said: “Oh, it was your head, was it?  I know I accidentally hit something, but I thought it was a brick wall.”  I told him I felt hurt, in both senses of the expression.


The Diary of a Nobody is the fictitious diary of Charles Pooter, written by George Grossmith and originally serialised in Punch magazine in 1888 and 1889.
The text of this version is taken from the Gutenberg etext, and the weblog format was engineered by Kevan Davis (initially a straight weblog in 2004, then rewritten as an auto RSS generator in April 2007).